Penises are very important in today’s society.
It’s very important that a man’s penis
doesn’t just lie there like a weiner without the bun in critical moments.
There is a lot of hysteria about being able to get an erection.
There are aging hockey players talking about it on TV and a hot line to call
if a man finds himself in a dangling situation.
There are flyers in the mail and support groups and
pharmaceutical companies working around the clock
to come up with wonder drugs like Viagra.
It’s important! It’s right up there with the constitution.
It’s as crucial as a manned mission to Mars.
Sex drive is a priority! Well, male sex drive anyway….
I find this all very interesting.
For years, doctors were ripping out women’s uteruses and ovaries
on a regular basis without a second thought.
It was like taking parts out of a car.
No one seemed very concerned that the woman's hormones
were all screwed up or that she couldn’t have kids any more…
I don’t think anybody thought women’s parts were very important
or that she really enjoyed sex in the first place.
“Ahhh, what do you need this for? You’re over thirty five…. let’s take it out.”
You don’t see doctors cutting a guy’s testicles off because he can’t get his penis up any more. Hell no! His parts have to be preserved at all costs!
I’m surprised there aren’t Penis Museums!
"... And here is Napoleon's Penis... he was little but mighty..."
There'd be men lined up around the block to see that one...
all with their tape measures out.
To men, sex has always been a big thing.
Just having a penis is a big thing actually. Especially if it’s BIG.
There’s nothing better in the world to a man than having a big penis.
Some men even pay to have theirs enlarged.
This is to impress other men at the urinals.
“I’m King of this toilet gentlemen!
Take a good look…I’ve got the goods and I do take out!”
When a father has a son, the first thing he looks for is the penis,
even before the fingers and toes.
It’s important to a man that his son is well hung.
It reflects well on the father. Like father like son.
Little boys think a lot about penises too.
They can be counted upon to make big fake penises out of whatever is handy…
like plastercine or aluminum foil when doing craft projects at school.
All men love their penises. They worry about them a lot!
They’re always touching it to make sure it's still there.
They pat it affectionately before leaving the house in the morning….
Or before important meetings.
“Okay big guy…it’s just you and me…let’s go impress ‘em”
They’re always adjusting it too.
“I think I’ll put you over on this side today. Do you like that?
No? …okay, how about over here?”
A penis is like a man’s barometer.
It gives them signals about how they’re feeling at any given moment…
“I’m attracted….I’m freezing my balls off… I’m really pissed…”
It’s like having a little brain down there to let men know
how to respond to situations.
Sometimes men rely too much on this little brain
and they end up doing stupid things like getting into fights
or cutting people off in traffic.
When a penis just lies there during sex it’s like the man
is suddenly struck blind.
“What the hell is this?
What am I feeling?
Where am I?
How did I get here?
Who the hell are you?”
That’s why they’ve invented Viagra. It’s contact lenses for the penis.